Gynecologist Appointment

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For a long time now I have been waiting for you. If it were not for you my life would purposeless and void of all meaning. My lung functions would cease to operate and my brain would slip into a vegetative state wherein I would find only visions of you. My senses would begin to simulate our time together and it would be like you were never gone. 
I would be able to smell you, feel your delicate touch, and taste the air around us. It would have a slightly medicated flavor not unlike cough syrup or pepto bismal. We could be together forever in my land of dreams, I would be protected from all harm and you would comfort me in times of sadness and grief. I can see your hair now; beautiful, balding, grey like a gloomy cloudy day. Your aged skin, rough like a worn leather belt or a warriors leather tunic, yet still retaining a velvety essence when you touch me. 
Your wardrobe; one can tell you have spent years tailoring to your specific tastes, probably rummaging through thrift stores to find the perfect addition to your late night book reading outfit. Oh god help. The mere thought of you being far from my side is detrimental to my very sanity, or is this what I need? Do i need the insanity to show me what I could lose? It cannot be so, i must be near thee. Those forceps, the cold metal, your discerning eye making contact with my most secret of places. I quiver with the though of this.

So… Can I make my appointment for next Thursday at 12:30pm? I have to drop the kids off at school and my husband is lazy and won’t do a damn thing. I told him not to take that 3rd shift job, he KNEW we would have this problem.

Receptionist: Uh…..ma’am, I think you should find a new gynecologist just saying.

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About advilsmith

I enjoy writing nonsense and things I find funny but may be and are probably inappropriate to other people. I also enjoy a good rant every now and then. I have maintained several blogs in the past and all are just filled with ridiculous content. I believe the internet is here so I may extrude my strange thoughts and odd stories upon the masses. For what is the internet if not a place to reach out and entertain, inform, and be insane?
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