I found this safe in my grandmothers dilapidated barn, It’s old putrid rusted body just makes loins ache for companionship. It was partially submerged in stagnant water with possible traces of animal feces. When my eyes first set upon it I knew that nothing would ever make me feel this way again. I knew that I could tell it my deepest darkest secrets, like the time I made sweet, passionate, unbridled love to my adoptive mother. Oh how it would keep me and my darkness safe. I knew I could count on it in happy times as well. I got a promotion at work last week and when I let the safe know my joy I heard it make a creaking noise. Oh how this precious object cares for me so. I too care for it and have pledged to do so for the rest of my life. No, a proper wedding was not held, society would not let me have MY happiness. They only look down upon our love. I believe they are jealous of what we have. WE Have something so special that not even an actual warm blooded human being, a living one, could change my feelings for this object whose affection for me is beyond the bounds of time and space.
I must now take my sweet love and run far, far away. Away from this culture of hatred and sorrow. How could anyone love another human? It boggles my mind to think such a thing could ever work. People are much too precise and shallow in their definition of “love”, but my snookums knows what love is all about.