I would like to say something very near to my heart. I just spent the last 34 minutes deeply contemplating my meager existence. I became so run down by my own thoughts that I began smashing my keyboard in hopes that THE Internet would deliver some small amount of hope.
It didn’t take more than 7 hammer stokes on my now battered typing device before I was shown the way. Up across the horizon of Google Images, east of the ruins of Old Alta Vista, was Him. Burt Reynolds. He said no word, made no gesture, he simply sat there shirtless and stachless, waiting for me to select the “Save As” command. I did. Before I knew it my eyelids dissolved and my cornea burst into shining sunlight. I could now see the world through the Eyes of Burt. I have been forever changed and there is nothing I can do reverse what I have done. But why would I want to? Why would dispose of this strange and magical gift. I looked at my mangled keyboard, and usually i would be devastated that I have done something so thoughtless and dumb, but this time I looked INTO my keyboard’s inner soul and fixed it with my mind powers. My Enter key is now a fluffy mustache that whenever it is pressed sends hope and sunlight through the Internet.
May the Burt surround and uplift especially in a hot bubble bath. Uh, wait.. never mind ignore all of that. What I meant to say the whole time was this; … shit, I forgot.