What’s the point of carrot if how is your mom?

There once was a man who came to a house in the middle of a room after crossing a street in West Middlebury. People felt sorry for the old man, his face looked like it was melting. He couldn’t help it, the war in Galainisburg last winter took a toll on many a man. The face melting was caused by a rare strain of badger cancer that the enemy has made into a biochemical weapon.

When he opened the door of the house in the middle of the room he was staring in the face of his brother. They stared at each other for a while. When they finally stopped staring, the man’s brother reached into his pocket and pulled out a half eaten candy bar. He then offered it to his brother, but he would have no part in this blatant insult. The Man had integrity and a reputation to uphold, even in spite of his melting face.

“Why Brother, do you offer me a half eaten candy bar? You know how much of an insult that is to our family!” The Man was quite upset.

“Well, i’ll tell you. Remember 3 years ago when me and my wife came by for lunch? We had quiche and shrimp, it was the weirdest lunch I have ever had. Anyways, I left to go to the lavatory and allow my bowels to explode for a moment. I heard my wife cry out in horror! I yanked my trousers up forgoing he wiping process, ran out to see what was wrong only to find YOU, standing stark naked, balancing one foot and reciting The Cat in the Hat Comes Back!”

The Man’s eyes widened as his Brother told this story remembering that day quite clearly. He had not done this on purpose, his brothers wife was asking for it. Literally.

“Brother, your wife is a crazy woman. She asked me to undress and recite my favorite book before you got done leaving your stool in my loo.”

His Brother was confused, “But why would she ask that of you? And further more, why did she shriek as if a demon has just began giving her a lap dance?!”

“She asked me to do it because her brain stem is severely damaged and in need of replacement. Now as for the scream, that was because I farted in her glass of chardonnay and all of t went straight up her left nostril. Really it was quite a sight to behold.”

The Man’s brother’s jaw dropped to the floor and there was blood leaking from his face. The Man picked up his brothers jaw, placed it in his brother’s back pocket and walked through the door of the house in the middle of the room, crossed the street in West Middlebury, and woke up in the hospital with severe facial burns from a grenade blast in Normandy.


About advilsmith

I enjoy writing nonsense and things I find funny but may be and are probably inappropriate to other people. I also enjoy a good rant every now and then. I have maintained several blogs in the past and all are just filled with ridiculous content. I believe the internet is here so I may extrude my strange thoughts and odd stories upon the masses. For what is the internet if not a place to reach out and entertain, inform, and be insane?
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