Imagine This Thing

There I am, if you look close enough you can see how my clothes don’t fit me and my unkempt hair. Anyhow, there I am, grazing upon delicious green grasses in a meadow that had just seen the last sunshine for the day. Laying on a soft patch of moss after my feast I begin to wonder what life would be like if I had stapler hands. Imagine all the office work I could bind together and have organized for the boss! People wouldn’t dare fuck with me, no one wants to have sharp double pronged metal embedded in their face.

Staple hands could be great, but what about rocket legs? Flying and scorching faces from above. I could be a military weapon of unsurpassed power. Staple hand rocket leg man. Think about projectile nails firing fast through a gun barrel that is my face. BOOM. Now you’re fucked, because here comes Stapnailocket Man to wreck your shit. Try and take this red stapler, I DARE you.

That’d be all well and good, but imagine for a moment that you have a omelet feet and celery fingers. Breakfast with lungs and the ability to math. Not quite your style eh? How about a tape gun dick. Damn boi! Got dat mmm hmmm! Sticky dick Trent is what they’d call you.

I feel like great foobner.


About advilsmith

I enjoy writing nonsense and things I find funny but may be and are probably inappropriate to other people. I also enjoy a good rant every now and then. I have maintained several blogs in the past and all are just filled with ridiculous content. I believe the internet is here so I may extrude my strange thoughts and odd stories upon the masses. For what is the internet if not a place to reach out and entertain, inform, and be insane?
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